Tales of the Ancient Turtle – The Witch of Ghoragali

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The Witch offered him the gift of understanding all living things - but warned that it came with the darkest curse: the sadness that follows those who truly see and feel everything.

A haunting narrative about a thirteen-year-old boy’s encounter with the Mother, an ancient, beautiful witch living in the pine forests of Ghoragali in the Himalayas. Guided by a mysterious dog named Shaggy and the cryptic Keeper of Secrets, the protagonist discovers a primordial force who reveals herself as Gaia, Terra, the source of all life, who remembers when God was female and witches were healers, not evil.

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‘Why is it…’, I asked the Turtle, ‘….that the more I understand life and the more I write, the more I grow sad? I don’t dislike being sad, but it overburdens me sometimes.’

‘Hmm!’ the Turtle closed his grey, clouded eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, they were, as usual, shining with the golden light of ancient wisdom. ‘Understanding is a gift, child. This gift comes to a few, but this gift always comes with a curse. And that’s what the Witch told you. That was the deal you made with her.’

‘The Witch?’ I was surprised. ‘What witch and what deal?’

‘The Witch whom you met when you were a little boy.’ The Turtle reminded me with a smile.

‘I don’t remember any such witch. And anyway, there are no real witches, and I am too old to believe in myth and magic, and make any deals with make-believe entities.’ I stood up suddenly. My own anger surprised me.

‘Tsk, tsk!’ The Turtle was unaffected by my annoyed reaction. He was always as cool as a cucumber, and his skin was as smooth as it was thick. My emotions and feelings slid over it like water slides over round, smooth stones.

‘There once was a witch, and you met her and she gave you a gift - the Witch of Ghoragali.’

I kept quiet. Of course, I remembered the Witch. I thought I had forgotten her musky presence, but no. She had always occupied a very spacious chamber in my memory palace.

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It was the summer of 1986, and I was on a scouting trip to Ghoragali. It was a hill station in the Himalayas. I was about thirteen, and the trip was not an adventure, but an escape. People often believe that the lives of children are easy and trouble-free. But certain childhoods are complex and difficult, and come with their very own brands of trouble. To me, discipline has always been synonymous with torture. The trip was, therefore, my way out of the dungeon of discipline.

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I discovered something wonderful during that particular trip by virtue of my love for nature. The discovery was that nature was there to listen to and to talk to, provided one had patience.

I looked at the grand majestic mountains surrounding the campsite. They first awed me and then talked to me as a friend, telling me stories of the days gone by and the people who lived in the caves, free of any complex or material desires.

I loved the graceful and slender pine trees with their fragrant needles and cones. The wind through the trees gradually became secret whispers, narrating accounts of clandestine trysts and stolen kisses, as the dry leaves fell all around the obscured lovers.

The place was full of waterfalls and fresh water springs. They all sang songs of longing and desire, their sweet melodies reaching crescendos with the wild rains.

And when I looked up, I saw clouds - great silver and grey, billowing giants. They bowed down to murmur in my ears of their silent, majestic journeys over the parched lands, their murmurs gradually transforming into echoing thunder.

I cultivated a deep bond of friendship with nature that summer. This bond is still going strong, and our communication is becoming more meaningful with each passing day.

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To me, scouting lessons were boring - mindless hours spent earning badges for apparently useless skills, like, for instance, knots. Then there were group activities, which I hated with a vengeance. I didn’t crave anyone’s company but my own and wanted to converse with nobody but myself.

I wanted to know what I thought, and I wanted to know what and how I felt. That required solitude. It is when all is silent around you that you learn to listen to your own heart and soul. The other boys bored me. I failed to understand their mindless and constant obsession with their video games and toys.

It became far easier to get rid of my age mates and miss the boring scouting classes once I learnt that feigning sickness could work magic. A short complaint of a stomachache and a grimace were enough to convince everyone around me that a day off from classes was the only solution. 

When the other boys left, that was when I sat up and looked around for hours on end. In particular, I stared for long at a lonesome mountain track, disappearing amongst the swirling fog and tall pine trees.

I had noticed the path as soon as I had arrived at the camp. It looked like a part of an untold fairy story - a path to the mysteries. I never saw anyone treading that path, but I felt that it beckoned me in a very strange way. I was somehow drawn to it. I wanted to be the first one in my camp to explore that path and therefore, discussed it with no one. Well, no one but the old cleaner.

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The old man was responsible for cleaning the camp. He was as silent as an old oak tree, but a subtle smile always kept dancing on his dry lips. It was like he knew the answer to some great riddle.

Sometimes, one could see him sitting high up on a ledge overlooking the camp. From a distance, I could hear his chanting and see his shaggy head moving to and fro like he was in a trance. The other boys pointed at him behind his back and made signs to show that something was seriously wrong with his head. But to me, despite his apparent craziness, he looked like someone who could know something about the path.

The old man knew I liked him and was curious about him. I knew this because his subtle smile acquired an added shade of warmth, and his eyes glowed when he looked at me. One day, armed with the confidence of this small piece of knowledge, I decided to approach him while he was busy cleaning the camp.

‘Hey!’ I greeted him, but he did not look back and kept on sweeping with his broom. So I cleared my throat and tried it again a bit loudly, ‘HEY!’

Unfortunately, my attempt to be louder turned out to be a half-scream, and the old man almost threw down his broom and jumped up with fright. He looked back as if expecting a ghost in the otherwise silent camp. But he smiled when he saw me.

‘Hey, little one!’ His voice was rough, as if he rubbed his throat with sandpaper each morning.

I looked at him closely. He was dressed in an old and tattered, grey, long shirt, and also what was definitely a pair of blue denim jeans, in their good old days. His deep, grey eyes peered at me from beneath bushy eyebrows, and they were as penetrating as icicles. He had great big silver whiskers and a long shaggy beard of the same color. The hair had turned yellow just around his mouth, probably due to smoking. And around his neck, he wore a most splendid necklace of pine cones.

‘What are you doing here alone in the camp? Don’t you have classes to attend, child?’ He smiled and asked me kindly.

‘Well yeah…’ I scratched my head and thought for a moment. ‘But I am sick.’

‘You don’t look sick to me at all.’ He observed with a chuckle.

‘I am not sick in the normal way. I am just sick of the other people around me.’ I don’t know what came over me, and I confided in him, somehow having a belief that he would keep my secret safe.

‘Hmm!’ He peered closely at my face, and his penetrating gaze made me feel slightly uncomfortable. But then he probably found what he was looking for because he suddenly looked away with a smile.

He picked up his broom and then, taking its support with one hand, started searching the pockets of his woolen shirt. My heart skipped a beat. 

In the stories I used to read, whenever old men searched their pockets, they always took out the most marvelous gifts for their young disciples. But to my utter disappointment, what he took out was only a misshapen and filter-less cigarette.

‘What’s your name, old man?’ I asked him, while hiding my disappointment.

‘Hmm!’ he grunted and tried to light the cigarette with a burning match. He cupped his hands and the flame from the match and the red glow of the burning cigarette, reflected in his grey eyes for a brief moment. ‘I go by many names, but you can call me the Keeper.’

‘The Keeper?’ I was surprised. ‘The Keeper of what exactly?’

‘The Keeper of Secrets, of course - all the secrets of this world.’ He said and took a deep drag, and the bitter smoke floated up to join the clouds.

I shook my head. His answers were too cryptic for my young age.

‘And what about this necklace?’ I pointed at his neck. ‘Where did you get it?’

‘This…’ he caressed the cones lovingly. ‘The Mother gave it to me.’

‘Is she alive…your mother?’ I expected his answer to be ‘no’ and was ready to come out with the appropriate condolences.

‘Not my mother, little one…’ he laughed. ‘The Mother!’

‘The Mother?’ I almost chewed my question.

‘Yes, the Mother. The Mother of us all. The Mother of the mountains and the Mother of the springs that sprout from beneath the rocks. The Mother of the clouds and the Mother of the trees receiving the rain.’

‘And where does she live?’ I was beginning to have serious apprehensions about his sanity.

‘There…’ the old man pointed towards the path. ‘She lives at a special place somewhere along that path.’

‘Let’s go, let’s go meet her then.’ I tried taking a step in the direction of the path, but the old man firmly grabbed my shoulder.

‘No, we don’t just go and meet her. We only go when she calls for us. And you will know if and when she calls for you. Wait for that time.’

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In my opinion, the meeting with the old man was almost fruitless. He was crazy and his head was full of strange dreams. But so was I and my own head. The path still beckoned me, and it was my firm decision to tread that path at least once during that trip.

The opportunity came knocking at my door, only a few days later. The instructors got bored with teaching us knots and ordered an unsupervised field trip. I heard the two phrases: ‘no supervision’ and ‘field trip,’ and I knew my prayers had been answered.

I waited patiently while the other boys formed small groups and went in search of secret spots and snacks. Then I filled my water bottle and started walking towards the path.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was playing a constant game of hide and seek with the black and silver clouds. But as soon as I started walking, the clouds thundered angrily, and it started raining. God swirled His big paintbrush, and the sky and the mountains merged and faded into each other.

Though my clothes were soon soaked, rain did not worry me. It blanketed every sound and hid me from the world. Rain was my friend, and I welcomed its arrival with open arms.

But while crossing the campsite, a commotion drew my attention.

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‘It was the Dog, wasn’t it?’ I asked the Turtle. ‘It was the Dog who took me to the Witch.’

‘I don’t think so at all.’ He replied while shaking his mottled, grey head. ‘I think it was your kindness to the Dog, which took you to the Witch. Rather, I believe that the Dog was your test. You passed the test with flying colors, and the Witch called you.’

‘Oh yes, I agree.’ I smiled and thought of the Dog fondly.

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Right at the fringes of our camp, a small group of boys from some other school was standing. They were screaming and shouting with delight and throwing rocks at something. I approached them, and the object of their delight turned out to be a poor dog.

He was a great big dog - all wet, shaggy, and soiled hair, and bleeding from one leg. He was desperately trying to escape the boys, but they were not letting him. Each time he tried to run away, he was met with a heavy rock. The poor creature was miserable, and the boys were cruel beyond words. Their cruelty filled my heart with dark anger.

‘Hey!’ I shouted at them, oblivious of all consequences. ‘What do you think you are doing? Leave the poor creature alone.’

‘Who do you think you are?’ The gang leader asked me with his fists firmly placed at his waist.

‘I am just someone who wants you to stop throwing rocks at the dog. He will die for God’s sake.’ I could feel tears welling up in my throat.

‘And how will you stop us?’ The boy asked with a very cruel smile dancing on his thin lips.

‘He will not stop you, I will.’ A rough voice snarled from my rear. I looked back and there stood the Keeper of Secrets, holding his broom as menacingly as if it were a sword. ‘Now run along, or I will complain to your teachers.’

The boys took one look at the Keeper and his formidable broom and ran away. The poor dog, finally free of his tormentors, sat down and started licking his wound.

‘Come, child, the poor old Shaggy needs us.’ The Keeper patted my shoulder, but I stood rooted to the spot.

‘What?’ His grey eyes silently questioned me.

‘I am…I am afraid of dogs.’ I confessed sheepishly.

‘What? You are afraid of the old Shaggy?’ He laughed aloud but then saw my red face, and his laughter transformed into a kind smile.

‘Let me tell you a great trick, child.’ He placed his hand on my shoulder. ‘Whenever you want to help someone but are afraid of their reaction, always let kindness take over. Kindness almost always conquers fear.’

I looked up at his reassuring smile and decided to try the trick. We approached the dog, who was watching me guardedly. I sat down on my haunches and hesitantly extended my hand. The dog gave it a quick lick. Soon, his bushy tail started wagging, and he let me caress his forehead.

With the help of the Keeper and water from my bottle, I washed its wound. It wasn’t deep, and the bleeding had already stopped. So I took out my handkerchief and tied it firmly over the wound.

After a while, the dog got up and again licked my hand. Then he turned and started walking towards the path. I watched him limp away silently. Right where the path started and beside a big rock, he stopped and looked back at me. He seemed to be waiting for some response from me. I waved at him, but he kept on looking back at me.

‘Go on, he wants you to follow him.’ The Keeper said while gently nudging me.

‘Follow him?’ I asked confusedly. ‘But you said I can’t go tread the path until the Mother calls me.’

‘Old Shaggy is one of the Mother’s many companions. If he wants you to follow him, it is at the Mother’s behest. Now go before the Mother changes her mind.’

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Old Shaggy started walking on the path, and I started following him. After every few steps, he turned and looked at me as if to make sure I was following him. Each time, on seeing me close behind, he wagged his tail and started walking again.

It was a strange but peaceful walk. The path was as beautiful as I had imagined it to be. It wound along seven great mountains. The locals called them the Seven Sisters. Though they looked similar, each sister had her own unique beauty.

The air was filled with the smell of wet pine trees. I believe this is how curiosity smells - the smell of wet pine trees.

A thick carpet of pine needles muffled my footsteps. Due to rain, the path was occasionally crisscrossed by tiny rivulets and streams. But the dog knew where he was going. He always chose the safest of all routes.

But then, when I turned a corner, I could not see the dog anymore. He had vanished without any warning or sound.

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‘It was indeed a strange day.’ I muttered to myself.

‘Let’s just say it was indeed a great day. Not many people have a chance to meet the Mother.’ The Turtle said and slowly stepped into the warm sunlight. ‘And even those few who ever happen to meet her, not all are given the gift.’

‘Why do you think she chose me?’ I sat beside the Turtle and started scratching his mottled back. He loved it.

‘Well, she is the Mother. Who knows how her liking or disliking works?’ The Turtle answered.

‘By the way…’ I suddenly stopped scratching him. ‘How do you know about the Witch? I don’t think I ever told you about her.’

The Turtle chose to remain quiet. His eyes were closed, but I could see a faint hint of a knowing smile.

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‘Hey!’ I looked around and called, ‘Shaggy?’

There was no barking response. There was only silence. I decided to wait and sat on a stone ledge. The mountain forest was gently whispering around me. The moist smell of the pines was growing stronger by the minute.

Suddenly, great swirls of fog rolled down the gentle mountain slope and engulfed me. The fog was so thick I could not see the pine needles at my feet. It was like I was sitting alone in a pine forest, up above the clouds. But strangely, there was no fear. There was only peace.

‘Welcome, child!’ A lovely voice called, and I jumped to my feet and looked back.

There she stood - the Mother. She didn’t look like any mother I had ever seen. Rather, she looked more like an elder sister.

She was tall and young - very young and very beautiful. Beautiful, auburn hair filled her head, which was crowned by a lovely and simple tiara, made out of odd twigs and wild flowers. Beneath a fair brow and two lush eyebrows, a pair of dark brown eyes was looking at me with kindness and warmth.

She was wearing a forest-green woolen shirt with a long-sleeved jacket of the same color, while her long skirt was brown like the soil. And yes, she wore a necklace of pine cones around her lovely neck, just like the one worn by the Keeper. Beside her stood Shaggy, his tail wagging happily.

‘Who are you?’ I managed to blurt out.

Hearing my question, she laughed, and her laughter was as warm and kind as her eyes.

‘I am the Witch of the forest, for I know all the secrets, and how the magic works. I am the Mother for I made all the secrets, and I made all the magic.’

‘But witches are evil, and you look anything but evil.’ I was perplexed.

‘Oh, not at all, child. Witches were my first true descendants. They are the worshippers of nature, and not evil. Evil resided in the hearts of men who couldn’t respect a woman’s ability to reproduce and be one with nature.’ She corrected me in a sing-song voice.

‘And what is your name?’ I didn’t realize at the time, but I had already fallen in love for the first time in my life.

‘I carry many names, as everyone sees me in a different light.’ She replied while raising her lovely arms above her head, and the fog seemed to shift at her command. ‘The Greeks called me Gaia, for they saw me as the primordial life force and the ancestral source of all life. The Romans called me Terra, for I sprang from the earth, and I am a part of it. People weaved stories about me, and they enveloped me in myth. People wrote songs about me, and they shrouded me in magic.’

‘Myth and magic?’ I scratched my head and asked, ‘But what are you truly?’

‘Ah, truth, the most challenging of all perceptions.’ She sighed. ‘Come walk with me.’

She held my hand in her own and started walking. She was warm,  as warm as the sun that comes out after a long and freezing winter night. Her warmth ran down my hand and touched my heart. I felt there was a light glowing in my heart. And she smelled wonderful. She smelt of all the wonderful things in the world.

She smelt of a mother’s lap, and warm milk and honey. She smelt of the rain and the clouds, and the black wet soil giving birth to life. She smelt of the wild flowers, green grass, and moss. She smelt of musk, and the desire that springs forth. And she smelt of the burning fire, and the glowing comfort that it provides.

We walked, and the shifting fog made me feel as if we were walking on the clouds. The rain had long stopped, but the drops falling from the trees played their own symphony of silence.

‘I was the first one on earth, and I will be the last. I gave birth to everything, and everything comes back to me.’ Her beautiful voice softly broke the silence. ‘I am the life force and I reside in everything. I even reside in you, child. I was the voice behind the Oracle at Delphi, and I am the end of all quests.’

‘You don’t look that old.’ It was hard for me to believe that she was as ancient as she claimed.

‘I am not part of the flow of time, child.’ She smiled and said, ‘Instead, time flows from the tips of my fingers.’

‘Are you…?’ I stopped and looked up at her kind face. ‘Are you God?’

‘Oh no, child. Not at all.’ She seemed surprised. ‘I am only a small part of God, as you are a small part of me. I am part of Her system.’

‘Her?’ I was flabbergasted. ‘I thought God was a Him.’

‘Is that so?’ Her eyes sparkled mockingly. ‘Anyway, let’s go inside before you catch a cold.’

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‘Who was she truly?’ I asked the Turtle.

‘She was as she told you herself. She was and she is the Mother. And She is a part of all of us - you, me, the trees and the mountains, and even the oceans and the rivers. But don’t listen to me. I am just an old turtle.’ My old friend was always ready with strange answers.

‘She was…’ I said while thinking of that strange summer afternoon far away in my past. ‘She was strange, that’s for sure. And a voice in my heart confirmed whatever she said. But was that the truth?’

‘Remember what she told you?’ The Turtle looked up at me and asked. ‘She told you that truth is the most challenging of all perceptions.’

‘Yes.’ I nodded. ‘And that was strange. Truth is not a perception, but a statement of facts.’

‘No, child!’ The Turtle corrected me. ‘Truth is our own individual perspective on life. It is when we treat truth as a statement of facts that we commit the gravest of all follies, for it makes us judge others. The only fact is that truth is never objective but only subjective.’

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I looked up and there was a most marvelous wooden hut, right in the middle of the pine forest. It was just like the fairy stories, small with a high and sloping roof, and grey smoke rising from a small chimney. If any doubts remained in my mind about her being a witch, they vanished at that particular moment.

She took me inside, and the inside was as wonderful as the outside. There was a bright fire burning under a steaming cauldron, and the smell of broth made my stomach growl with hunger. She made me sit on a small wooden stool right next to the fire, and then inspected Shaggy’s leg very carefully.

‘Ah!’ She exhaled a satisfied sigh. ‘You did a wonderful job, child. With kindness in your heart, you are a born healer. Never forget that.’

I blushed and started looking around to hide my uneasy and shy happiness. But that compliment was magical. I believe that even if, at that moment, I was cruel, that compliment transformed my true nature, and I became kind. Words of those whom we love carry a strange power of transformation.

Overcoming my embarrassment, I looked around and was fascinated by what I saw.

The walls were covered with strange roots and aromatic herbs, while all sorts of strange-looking devices and instruments lay placed on small, wooden stools. I thought I could identify a few.

There was a silver, sand-filled hourglass, but the trickle of sand was frozen mid-air.

There was a golden globe with indigo oceans, slowly rotating on a small and delicate silver pivot.

There were gleaming sextants and a Mariner’s Compass, and there were crystals of all sizes and hues, each pulsating with hidden lights.

‘Have some.’ I looked up and there she was, standing close to me, holding a bowl of steaming broth with a small wooden spoon. ‘It will warm you up.’

‘You were telling me about God being not a Him, but a Her.’ I asked her amidst hungry gulps.

‘Oh yes.’ She turned, and at a subtle gesture of her hand, the flames sprang up and the fire started burning more brightly.

‘Tell me, child…’ She asked while facing me again. ‘What does God do that others cannot?’

‘He…’ I looked up at her and thought hard. ‘He can create life.’

‘Very good.’ She smiled. ‘And who creates life? A man or a woman?’

‘A woman.’ I had understood her point.

‘In the beginning of time, everyone acknowledged God as a female entity. God was a Goddess.’ She said with her eyes shining with happiness at my answer. ‘Women were not viewed as objects back then. Instead, they were revered and respected as life-creating entities. The ancient women were healers as they understood nature intimately.’ She closed her eyes for a moment and grew quiet.

‘Then what happened?’ I asked impatiently. ‘What changed?’

‘Then…’ She opened her eyes, and they were moist with tears. ‘Then man looked at himself and perceived his own physical superiority over women. He looked at his own muscles and anatomy and refused to revere and respect a physically inferior female. Patriarchy was the evil that corrupted the soul of man. He first tried to dominate her by sheer will and force. But when he failed, he looked for other ways. He devised religion and its complicated rituals and invented a cruel God, who only worked in his favor. Religion taught him to brand the healers as witches and burn them at the stake.’

‘Hmm!’ I was too young to understand how patriarchy worked. ‘You also told me that you are the life force and you reside in every living thing?’

‘No, I reside in everything - living or non-living, as you see things. But everything is alive, the mountains and the rivers and the trees and the stones. Everything sees and everything feels. But only those who truly understand life and nature can feel that.’ She said while placing her warm hand on my shoulder.

‘And how do you understand and feel all these things?’ I asked while inhaling her musky fragrance.

‘Kindness is the key to the door of understanding.’ She bent her head and peered deep into my eyes. ‘Kindness makes you sensitive and kindness makes you feel.’

‘I want to understand and I want to be kind.’ I whispered back with a dry throat. Her nearness was overwhelming my senses.

‘So be it.’ She said softly and bent her head as if she wanted to kiss my forehead. But then she suddenly stopped. ‘I can give you the gift of kindness, but remember, child, this gift comes with a dark curse.’

‘Curse?’ I was curious, but for that one kiss of hers, I was ready to accept a host of all the curses in the world.

‘Yes, a curse.’ She smiled sadly, and her dark brown eyes suddenly filled with tears. ‘Sadness is the darkest of all curses, and it always comes along with kindness and understanding. So think very carefully before you accept this gift of mine.’

‘I am ready to accept your gift and the curse that comes along with it.’ I bravely declared and almost got lost in her lovely, moist eyes.

‘So be it.’ She whispered again and kissed my forehead. Two warm tears slid down her cheeks and fell onto my lips.

She removed her own necklace of pine cones and put it around my neck. She kissed my eyes one by one and peered into them again. I saw a strange light burning in the depths of her eyes. I looked closely, and the light was alive with images. I tried to focus and found myself becoming a part of those strange images.

I saw myself running after butterflies, and I saw those butterflies embracing the rose thorns. Their delicate hearts were instantly pierced, and purple blood flowed out and stained the rose petals.

I saw myself standing on top of a hill, while death and chaos reigned all around me. Armed men were fighting each other in the name of land and religion. Gradually, their victorious cries changed into cries of pain and misery, and their blood stained the soil.

And I saw myself loving with innocence and purity, my eyes alight with feelings. But then I saw my innocence being conquered by desire, and I saw myself losing the ability to love purely.

I saw all and I wept hard, tears streaming down my cheeks. I wept until darkness took me over and I was lost in nothingness.

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When I opened my eyes again, I saw the worried faces of all my friends surrounding me. I looked around. I was back at the camp and was lying on my own bed.

‘What happened?’ I asked while trying to sit up.

‘Please don’t get up.’ A friend of mine said in a kind voice. ‘You are running a high fever.’

‘But how did I reach back? How am I here?’ I asked him.

‘The old cleaner found you lying unconscious in the forest. He brought you here.’ He replied.

‘Oh!’ I couldn’t speak anymore. Fever made my whole body ache.

‘What is this around your neck?’ My friend asked.

I opened my eyes and saw that he was fiddling with a necklace of pine cones around my neck.

‘This…’ My eyes filled with tears at the memory of the Mother. ‘This is a gift.’

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‘Maybe it was all a dream and my feverish imagination.’ I said to no one in particular, and the Turtle chuckled with amusement.

‘Yes, maybe the necklace was put around your neck by the Keeper. Maybe he wanted to gift it to you.’ He was scuttling back into the shade.

‘No.’ I said after thinking hard. ‘I saw the Keeper again the day we were leaving the camp. He was wearing his own necklace.’

‘Maybe he made another, eh?’ The Turtle was still smiling.

‘Maybe.’ I nodded and stood up to leave.

‘So what is the truth?’ He looked up at me. ‘Did you or did you not meet the Mother?’

‘The fact is that I did not. And the truth is that I did.’

We kept on looking into each other’s eyes for a second or two, and then we both laughed.

— So my friends, what is the truth? Did I or did I not meet the Witch of Ghoragali? That is not for you to decide or judge, for that is my truth and mine alone. But you are welcome to go to Ghoragali and try your own luck. Maybe you are fortunate enough to meet Her. But if you do, and by any chance She offers you a gift, think very hard before accepting it because dark curses are hard to carry.

The Night of the Great Loss (Previously, Inanna of Nippur and the Legacy of Loss)

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Deep beneath ancient Bakkah lies a secret chamber with a forgotten goddess - and the woman who guards her secret taught a heartbroken scholar why patriarchy buried the divine feminine and why wisdom requires embracing loss.

An epic narrative set in ancient Becca about Venusian, a scholar whose broken heart drives him up a mountain to seek a legendary hermit,  only to discover Inanna, a warrior priestess of the forgotten goddess Ishtaar.

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A wise man once said that all great quests for knowledge start with a broken heart.

The traveler was tired. He could feel and listen to each little creak in his middle-aged joints. All the creaks sang in unison, the chorus of weariness and exhaustion.

He looked around. The red sun was setting behind the pale mountains, painting the sky in shades of gold, crimson, and purple. The stars had started glimmering faintly just above the eastern horizon.

The mountain under his feet was ancient, like all other mountains - its stones witness to billions of years of sadness. He could feel it gently vibrating as if it was trying to tell him stories of the days past.

‘If only I could talk to the mountains,’ he chuckled to himself.

He checked his leather mushkeezah and greedily sucked upon the few leftover drops. The sudden chill in the air seeped into his bones, almost freezing his sweaty brow.

‘I should not have stopped,’ he thought.

He looked up. The summit was almost within reach.

‘I can reach it,’ he decided determinedly. ‘But what if I do not find the old hermit in his cave? What if he is already dead? What if he was never there in the first place?’

Then, shaking away the onslaught of negative thoughts, the traveler readjusted the load of his meager belongings on his shoulder. He strengthened his grip on the gnarled wooden staff and restarted climbing.

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He was Venusian, a resident of the ancient city of Becca. As he climbed higher, he could see the city down below and thousands of twinkling lamp-lights. The city was located in a narrow valley, in the middle of the Paran Desert.

He was not of Arabian descent. His father was Procopius of Caesarea, a leading late-antique scholar from the ancient region of the Levant, and a prominent Roman historian for the Roman Emperor Justinian.

It was love that had brought him to that cold and barren mountain range, which was located just North of Becca. More appropriately, it was a broken heart that drove his tired steps. But it was not the hope of regaining lost love. Instead, it was a quest for knowledge.

Venusian did not weep when she betrayed his love. He did not beg her to stay. He just let her fade away in the distance, anxiously awaiting the first jab of cold pain.

He was not a sadist. He was just a man who knew pain brought along so many gifts within its dark fold - the gift of understanding, the gift of knowledge, and the gift of awareness. Maybe that is why the old gods made him fall in love with her.

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By the time he reached the top, darkness had already set in. Venusian breathed in deeply the pure mountain air. The cold air felt warm against the coldness of his heart.

The stars glittered across the length and breadth of the ever-stretching galaxy, sparkling like spilled jewels. Towards the west, the sky was still a deep hue of purple, the farewell gift of the long departed sun. He looked around but could see nothing except dark boulders and a few dry bushes. No hermit or caves were visible.

Suddenly, he saw a dull orange glow behind a nearby boulder. He eagerly stepped ahead, but then the earth vanished beneath his tired feet. Venusian could hear himself scream and then heard the dull bang of his head hitting a small rock. The night became absolutely dark within seconds.

____________________________________________________

It seemed only moments had passed when he reopened his eyes and found himself warm and comfortable. He found himself lying on a rough bed of thistles, while a crackling fire was burning nearby.

Venusian looked up and could see a low ceiling of rough-hewn rock. Dark shadows were dancing on the ceiling, playing hide and seek with the red glow of fire.

He tried to look around, and the sudden movement brought back pain. He groaned loudly and delicately felt his head. There was an apricot-sized lump, extremely sore to touch.

‘It’s nothing but just a bruise. You are quite alright.’ A deep and almost female voice resonated around the cave.

Startled, he looked up. A woman was sitting cross-legged on the floor beside the fire, and her broad back was covered with a saffron-colored robe.

There were gold patterns on the robe. He looked at the patterns closely and identified an eight-pointed star, enclosed within a circle alongside a crescent moon, and a rayed solar disk. There were also strange words written on the robe with the same gold paint, in apparently the Babylonian or the Sumerian script. Venusian tried to sit up to examine the words and symbols, but groaned with pain again.

‘Do not move. Keep on resting. There is no reason to get up. You are safe.’ The robed back spoke again, and Venusian ceased all efforts to get up. Within minutes, he was asleep again.

____________________________________________________

He woke up to a brilliant afternoon. The sun was shining brightly, and even from inside the cave, he could catch sight of delicate, white clouds. He looked around, but there was no sign of anyone else in the cave.

He thankfully sipped from a bowl of fresh, sweet water, placed near his makeshift bed, and then got up with the assistance of his staff.

The cave was a strange place. Its rock walls were decorated with crude paintings and carvings made by people from before the dawn of civilization. There were scenes of hunting and dancing and also of birth and death, all surrounded by innumerable handprints. There were also a few rosettes drawn in gold.

There were only a few material possessions inside the cave - a rolled up bed in a corner with a few pillows and blankets, a few clay pots and earthenware, and a small collection of dry wood. But everything was arranged in an orderly fashion, and the cave looked neat and clean.

Firmly holding onto his staff, Venusian delicately put pressure on his legs. They were sore but strong. After a few moments, he grew confident and was successful in walking out of the cave.

The cave was located under a bluff, and that is why he was unable to detect it. It had a small stone platform in front. There was a large flat stone boulder on the farther end of the platform, and beyond that boulder, there was absolutely nothing - just a sheer drop of hundreds of feet.

The sun was washing the complete valley down below with a golden splendor. But Venusian had no time to look at the valley and the glittering city of Becca, visible in the far distance. Instead, his eyes were fixed on another spectacle.

A woman was sitting on the boulder and facing the valley. A grown Barbary lion cradled his massive head in her delicate lap. She was dressed in all leather, though it was unfair to call it a dress. It was more like a female battle attire in two pieces, both insufficient to cover her attractive form. Her auburn hair was blowing in the crisp mountain wind.

On hearing him approach, the lion suddenly sprang up to attention. It growled and faced him as though protecting his mistress. Venusian observed that it was a full-grown lion, which was at least four and a half hands in height, with a nose to tail length of approximately eight hands. The lion had a majestic brown-black mane, which almost touched the ground between his proudly stretched forelegs.

‘Sit down, Gala.’ The woman commanded the lion softly, without turning her head. ‘He is a friend.’

Hearing her gentle yet firm command, Gala the lion turned back and sat down on the boulder again, with his head in her lap.

After a few moments, the woman got up gracefully and faced Venusian.

He was awed by her beauty and elegance. She was tall - taller than him and was muscular. There was not an inch of fat anywhere on her finely-toned, bronze body. She had a high forehead and deep, green eyes flecked with gold. Her eyebrows arched like scimitars above her eyes, and an aquiline nose. The nose descended onto full red lips and a round chin.

Her scant leather garments were without any adornment, but there was a gold rosette-shaped pendant hanging around her lovely neck. She held a twisted knot of reeds lightly in her right hand, while the left was placed casually along the lovely curve of her hip.

‘You look perfectly alright, Venusian.’ She smiled at him.

‘How do you know my name?’ He was surprised as there was absolutely nothing in his belongings that could betray his identity.

‘Between the mighty blue sky and the patient expanse of mother earth, there is very little, which I do not know.’ She said while making a wide gesture with her well-formed arms.

Venusian shook his head. It all seemed a dream.

‘Who are you and what are you doing here?’ He asked.

‘I am Inanna of Nippur, and I choose to live here.’ She said, gesturing at the cave.

‘But….but who are you?’ He was perplexed.

‘I am a humble priestess of Ishtaar.’ She answered with a smile.

‘And Gala….?’ Venusian pointed towards the lion, who was lazily studying the birds circling high up in the sky.

‘One day, I was roaming the forests of Akkadia when a serpent attacked me.’ Inanna said with closed eyes, recalling something important from her past. ‘Gala came to my help. He attacked and killed the serpent. Since that day, he has been my staunch companion.’

‘And who is Ishtaar? Is she a goddess?’ Venusian asked. ‘It is strange that I have never heard her name.’

Instead of answering him, Inanna turned and climbed the boulder.

‘Come, join me.’ She motioned to Venusian.

He hesitatingly climbed up the boulder and stood on it alongside Inanna. They were both facing the valley, but Venusian’s efforts were more focused on avoiding stepping on the tail of the resting lion.

‘Don’t worry.’ Inanna said with a smile. ‘He knows how to take care of himself.’

Becca could be seen down below in the valley. It was a beautiful city, which was located on the lower slopes of a mountain, and lacked any defensive walls. The mud and brick houses appeared to be neatly stacked over each other. The streets looked like threads marking the boundaries of small localities and neighborhoods.

____________________________________________________

Somewhat located on the outskirts of the city, was Bakkah - a place of worship, thousands of years old. It was not a grand structure - just a small square room, built with dark stones, in the middle of a circular courtyard. Very few were allowed to go inside that room. For most of the populace and the visiting pilgrims, the small building was holy and hence, out of bounds. But Venusian had been inside that room many times.

‘What is inside Bakkah?’ Inanna asked him.

‘It is the abode of nine gods. There is Hubal, who presides over Wadd, Suwa’, Yaghuth, Ya’uq, and Nasr. Then there are also Al-Lat, Al-Uzza, and Manat.’ Venusian dutifully counted the names of the nine deities, six male and three female.

Nobody knew the origin of the deities. Some said they were brought from Egypt and India, while others considered them local.

‘Yes, the nine deities.’ Inanna smiled. ‘And what lies below Bakkah?’

‘Below Bakkah? There is nothing below it.’ Venusian was surprised. He had seen each nook and cranny of the abode of gods, but had never heard of any other place below the sacred chamber.

‘Deep down, below the chamber of Bakkah, there is another secret chamber - far more sacred and far more significant.’ Inanna said.

‘And what lies inside that chamber?’ Venusian was very curious.

‘Ishtaar lives in that chamber.’ She placed her hand lightly on Venusian’s shoulder, and he could feel a strange heat flowing from her to him.

‘Ishtaar?’ He asked, puzzled by the name.

‘Ishtaar is the most ancient of all the gods and goddesses.’ Inanna explained. ‘She is the mother who gave birth to everything. She gave birth to life, and she gave birth to death. She created knowledge, and she created wisdom for those who desired it. She created light, and she created darkness for those who chose to follow it.’

‘But why is she hidden in that chamber? Why is she not up there alongside Hubal and the other deities?’ Venusian asked, still puzzled and confused.

‘Because she is a female and not a male.’ Inanna said and looked deep into his curious eyes. ‘In the beginning, it was the woman and not the man who ruled. Women led their tribes and sat on the tribal councils. Women rode the stallions and participated in the wars. And man respected woman. He respected her for her patience, and strength, and for her wisdom, and intellect. He respected her for her power to give birth and her power to create life out of nothing. But slowly and gradually, man’s heart was corrupted and his intentions went foul.’

‘Corrupted how?’ Venusian asked.

‘He looked at the apparent frailness of women, and identified somebody who could be objectified.’ Inanna replied. ‘He looked at the immense value of women, and found an instrument to satisfy his greed and lust.’

‘What happened then?’ He asked with a growing interest.

‘When women lost their power and status, so did Ishtaar.’ Inanna answered while smiling at his impatience. ‘Ishtaar reminded men of the former glory of the women. She threatened the security of the men. So men relegated her to the deep secret chamber - hidden from the world for times to come.’

‘But why did they not destroy Ishtaar once and for all?’ Venusian asked her.

‘Because men were afraid of her power, and also because men knew she was the true holder of power.’ Inanna answered the query of his inquisitive guest.

‘Come now.’ She said and grabbed hold of his hand. ‘Enough talk of Ishtaar and the greed of men. It is time to eat. You must be hungry.’

____________________________________________________

Venusian spent many days and many nights with Inanna in her cave. Whenever they were hungry, Gala the lion hunted in the mountains and brought them fresh game. Fresh water came from a well-hidden spring in the mountain.

He learnt so much from her.

She told him of the dark skies, filled with mysterious, moving stars, and also of the treasures hidden deep beneath the earth.

She told him about the days that were, and the days that were yet to come, along with an onslaught of blood and gore.

And she made him understand desire, and the accompanying darkness, and also lust, and its dark folds of insatiable greed.

With each passing day, Venusian’s knowledge expanded, but he remained thirsty for more.

____________________________________________________

Then, one day, Inanna informed Venusian that it was the ‘Night of the Great Loss.’

‘What is the Night of the Great Loss?’ He asked her.

‘It is the celebration of the great loss, when Ishtaar lost Shukaletuda.’ Inanna replied while rubbing her bronze body with olive oil.

‘Who was Shukaletuda?’ Venusian asked as he had never heard the name before.

‘Shukaletuda was Ishtaar’s lover.’ Inanna said and looked at him. ‘He was proud and handsome and ruled the heavens with Ishtaar, by her side. They were like two souls within one body - true soulmates who together were capable of conquering the universe.’

‘Soulmates?’ Venusian asked with a smile.

‘Yes.’ Inanna smiled back at him. ‘They compensated and complemented each other’s weaknesses and strengths. Where Shukaletuda was too trusting, Ishtaar was skeptical and experienced. Where Ishtaar was too energetic and excited, Shukaletuda was patient and observant. Where Shukaletuda was too careless and forgiving, Ishtaar was careful and meticulous. And where Ishtaar was too emotionally sensitive, Shukaletuda was comforting and loving.’

‘If their love and bond were so strong, how did they lose each other? Venusian asked Inanna.

‘They started walking the path to loss when Ishtaar became insecure, and her insecurities corrupted her love with Shukaletuda.’ She replied sadly. ‘She started searching for security, but couldn’t find it within her heart. Then one night, to find the solution to her problem, she bowed down to the Lord of the Underworld of Gilgamesh.’

‘What is the Underworld of Gilgamesh?’ He asked while sensing the darkness that came with the name.

‘It is the world of dust and ashes, ruled by evil and darkness.’ Inanna answered with a shudder. ‘When Ishtaar bowed down, the Universal Consciousness got angry with her and decreed that she be limited to the confines of the earth, while Shukaletuda was bound to the heavens. That night is called the Night of the Great Loss.’

‘Universal consciousness? What is that?’ Inanna’s words were adding scores to Venusian’s knowledge.

‘Universal Consciousness is the one true God. It has always been the one true God, and it will always be the one true God.’ She explained with a smile, while brushing her dark tresses.

____________________________________________________

Thus came the Night of the Great Loss. There was a bright, full moon in the dark, blue-black sky, and all was silent. It was beautiful, but a strange heaviness could be felt in the night air. Venusian had all his senses on alert. His senses were telling him that something significant was about to happen.

Inanna sensed his anxiety and smiled kindly. She prepared an aromatic potion of herbs and made him drink it. The potion had a heady fragrance and a thick taste. It calmed Venusian’s nerves and relaxed his body.

Inanna was robed in saffron again and was fiddling with a metal contraption. It was an eight-pronged frame with a small receptacle at the end of each prong. She carefully placed the fat of some animal in each receptacle and laced it with yellow phosphorus.

Suddenly, Venusian could hear strange music. It was emanating from nowhere in particular. There were heavy drum beats, and also some wooden stringed instruments - weeping in unison. The symphony was strange and reminded him of his lost love.

Inanna started gyrating to the music and then abruptly removed her robe and threw it aside. Her bronze and oiled body gleamed like polished marble in the pale moonlight. She picked up the metal frame and started dancing again. Her movements became faster with each passing moment. As the phosphorous came into contact with air, it first gave off a few random sparks, and then, one by one, each small receptacle burst into flame.

Venusian sat entranced. He intently watched Inanna, dancing and romancing the fire. She twisted and turned in flowing movements, and the mountain danced with her. The burning receptacles drew circles of light in the darkness. Slowly and gradually, Inanna became the nucleus while the receptacles rotated around her in their respective burning orbits.

Then she started singing:

‘Loss is the key to the old doorway,

beyond which the eternal wisdom lies

Loss is the one path; it is the darkness,

beyond which the light loses all and cries

Loss is the memory of a cruel past,

the jagged pieces of the mirror of self

Pick up the pieces, the first and the last,

fingers get cut, blood oozes out itself

Taste each drop of the dark, oozing blood,

their taste reminds you of her mouth

Her body and her secretly hidden bud,

her warm embrace, her smell, and her couth

Loss is how you understand desire,

the essence of lust and the furiously raging fire

Loss is how you understand the world,

its selfishness, and greed for the blue sapphire

Loss is how you see the loneliness of God,

his eternal sadness and also his glory

Loss is the one true legacy of the wise,

seek it, embrace it, and tell its story’

____________________________________________________

Inanna kept singing, and Venusian kept listening to her words, floating with the mysterious music. Then, intoxicated, he got up and joined Inanna. They both danced until fatigue overcame their exhausted bodies, and they fell on the platform in each other’s arms.

When Venusian got up the next morning, Inanna had long gone with all her meager belongings.

He cried her name and roamed the mountain slopes, but there was no trace of her. He searched each nook and each crevice behind each rock, but she couldn’t be found. And finally, one day, losing all hope of ever finding Inanna again, Venusian returned to Becca.

____________________________________________________

‘Tell me, O wise and sacred one, is there a secret chamber deep beneath the Bakkah?’ Venusian asked the Chief Priest of Bakkah.

‘Why do you ask, my son? What is it that you seek?’ The Priest was surprised. It had been ages since he had been asked about the existence of the secret chamber.

‘I have had the strangest of dreams.’ Venusian had no intention of telling the Priest about Inanna. ‘I dreamt that I descended into a deep chamber beneath the Bakkah, and found a goddess there.’

‘And what will you give me if I take you to that chamber?’ The Priest asked with greed sparkling in his old eyes like a blue sapphire.

‘Anything you want, O wise one.’ Venusian humbly bowed and replied.

A secret deal was struck between the two, and one night the Priest led Venusian to Bakkah. He opened up the old brass lock with a heavily engraved and complicated key and took him inside.

When an oil lamp was lighted by the Priest, Venusian could see all the nine deities, standing silently in their respective nooks within the wall. The Priest reached behind the effigy of Hubal. He operated some secret mechanism, and a secret trap door opened up right in the middle of the floor. Stairs could be seen, descending into unending darkness.

Venusian descended the stairs, led by the Priest, who was holding the oil lamp high in his hand. Venusian tried to count the stairs but lost track after one thousand, and still they kept on descending into the bowels of the earth. Finally, they reached an ancient door.

It was a strange door - half gold and half silver, and intricately engraved. The golden half depicted a terrible place full of demons and misery, while the silver one was rich with scenes of peace and tranquility.

The Priest operated a few levers, muttered some unintelligible words under his breath, and the door silently swung open. He entered and lighted a few lamps, and then called the younger man inside. Venusian took a deep breath and entered the chamber.

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The chamber was a large room, almost fifty hands in width and a hundred in length. There was a marble-covered walkway in the center, which led from the door to the farthest end of the room, while on both sides of the walkway, there was a pond of black water. Strangely, the water in the pond was not stagnant, and a faint aroma of herbs and spices rose from its surface.

At the very end of the walkway, there was a raised platform, and on that platform, on a stone throne, there sat a life-sized effigy of a woman. Venusian walked up to the effigy and smiled at the familiar features. It was a life-like stone statue of Inanna. He kissed the statue’s cold lips and then sat down, lost in meditation for the next few hours.

On the way back to the surface, the Priest was startled to hear Venusian singing. He tried to focus on his words:

‘Loss is the one true legacy of the wise,

seek it, embrace it, and tell its story

Loss is the one true legacy of the wise,

seek it, embrace it, until the day that you rise’