We Were the Answer All Along

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A spiritual journey that ends not in heaven, but in the self.

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I was searching for Him, here and there,

asking all the right questions - who and where

I had been looking for Him since my very birth,

under the kind sky and above the sordid earth

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I thought He was my father in a great disguise,

by my side, through all the downs and the highs

Then he went away one day, never to return,

leaving me alone to grow up, survive, and learn

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I thought I saw Him in my mother’s loving eyes,

her stern looks and valuable words, always so wise

Then she chose to live for herself as it was her right,

forcing me to resist, mature, and sometimes even fight

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I searched for Him in the smiles of my friends,

as life made us run around its many sharp bends

They demonstrated their limitations so very often,

and sometimes I even had to carry their heavy coffin

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I searched for Him in the words of my few mentors,

they gave me new knowledge and opened new doors

But then, even they faltered and committed mistakes,

and what we really had was, in fact, all gives and takes

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I looked for Him in the face of a haggard beggar,

sitting on the pavement in his tattered sweater

But then he pleaded and appealed and wept,

and that he was not the Almighty, I had to accept

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I looked for Him in the power of the rich,

ruthlessness and authority without any glitch

But then their corruption became so clear,

and I understood their secret, their dark and hidden fear

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I thought I was never going to find Him,

my efforts all failed, and the prospects were so grim

I looked up and prayed, but there was no reply,

I would never find him, I almost admitted with a sigh

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Then one morning, I woke up from a long dream,

it was so damn lucid, it had an actual theme

The dream was mine, and it was mine alone,

and everything in the dream, I could wilfully own

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In that dream, there was a multitude of choices,

and I could hear all the reasons and all the voices

In that dream, I was free to live and to decide,

I could choose freely, if I wanted shame or pride

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In that dream, I could abandon or hold hands,

and could peep into future, and see results of my plans

In that dream, there was no religion and no rites,

only morality reigned and established all the rights

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It was my dream, and I could make it a nightmare,

it was my dream, and I could make it either cheap or rare

It was my dream, and I was a god dreaming it,

it was my dream, and I could act as I saw or deemed fit

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Waking up, I realized, we all dream our own dreams,

even this life could be one or a long series of dreams

Waking up, I realized, God is not a separate being,

He is our part - we all are almighty and the all-seeing

The Pros and Cons of Thinking and Overthinking

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Where thinking sharpens insight, and overthinking sharpens fear.

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I am a thinker, and I am almost always thinking,

and then overthinking what I have already thought

That’s what I do all the time, being a thinker,

thinking about what thinking has done and brought

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I believe I was thinking before I was even born,

of my fate and my purpose, and I was so thrilled

I believe I will be thinking after I am dead,

of my life, and if the purpose was finally fulfilled

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I believe I have always been thinking,

of my destiny and the paths leading to it

I believe I will always be thinking,

if I am on the right path or falling into a pit

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I keep on thinking of other things as well,

mostly kind and sometimes so cruel

The kind ones I reserve for others,

while the cruel ones are for myself as a rule

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I keep on thinking of dark possibilities,

the distance between a bullet and my brain

Is it exactly one impulsive decision long,

or do the decisions form a long chain?

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Or how much blood is sprayed everywhere,

when a bullet-ridden body thrashes around?

Is it just enough to write a final message,

or is it by buckets, and seeping into the ground?

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Or even how does the brain perceive the bullet?

Does it get frightened by the violent invasion,

or does it welcome the small projectile?

A possibility of completing the equation?

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Also, how much time do the memories consume,

to fade away in the darkness and to get extinguished?

Are they switched off suddenly and abruptly,

or are they slowly and gradually relinquished?

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I think, and I ask myself all these questions,

and when answered, the results frighten me

But sometimes the questions remain questions,

hanging stalactites, piercing my heart with glee

Fading Away is Impossible

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A poem about wanting to disappear—and realizing why we cannot.

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Sometimes I wish I could just fade away,

leaving behind no memory, not even a trace

Sometimes I wish I could remove myself,

from this stupid illusion of life and space

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There are a million colors in the world;

one black less, and it won’t make any difference

There are a billion stars in the dark night sky,

one going dark won’t make any difference

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What am I in this complicated puzzle?

A minute piece of desire, and nothing else

What am I in this mine of diamonds?

A small piece of black coal, and nothing else

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Leaving would be perfect – a final solution,

to the conflict between desire and reality

Leaving would be beautiful – a final touch,

to a trashy abstract painting that I see

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Fading is simple, and leaving no trace is impossible;

removal is easy, and leaving no memory is hard

What to do and what not to do? It’s a dilemma

But I have to play it, it’s my final card

The Eternal Battle between Sin and Guilt

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The old man pulled down my head

and whispered….

Listen, my son, and listen carefully,

for this is what it’s all about

And this is what you cannot,

and what you will never live without

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Sin is always hungry, an unstoppable parasite,

which feeds upon me, you, and all life

And guilt is the fire that cleanses the sin,

and cuts the darkness with a sharp knife

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Sin is the seed, sprayed forth from the loins,

of a terrible legion led by the angel Azazel

And guilt is the solace born in the heart,

and flowing from the eyes of the kind angel, Gabriel

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The struggle between the bright day,

and the all-encompassing dark night

And the war between sin and guilt,

is forever ongoing, the wrong, and the right

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This war is the bloodiest of all wars,

this scuffle is the deadliest of all scuffles

If the sin wins the game, all is lost,

but if guilt wins the cards, the life reshuffles

The Graveyard of Dead Dreams – A Mini Opera

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A lyrical mini-opera about loss, regret, and the quiet duty of nurturing hope in others.

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Legend tells us that away from the hustle and bustle of life and beyond the light of the setting sun, there is a forest — the emerald forest of imagination. Deep within this forest is the silver pool of glimmering desires.

Surrounding the pool are the grey boulders of regret, and on one of those boulders, sat an old man dressed in a tattered black robe. He held his head within his palms and was pulling on his grey hair in anguish.

‘Oh! I had a dream, and that dream just died

Oh! My poor dream has breathed her very last

‘But where has my poor dream vanished?’ He cried

You must know, you’re my Present and my Past’

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The Past was an old man dressed in moving shadows, while the Present was a young woman dressed in brilliantly colored flowers. They looked at each other with despair darkening their eyes and then addressed the mourner.

‘Your dream is dead as you say, you poor old man!

Death is the beast that is cruel to all and spares none

She has been taken to a graveyard as per the plan

We share your pain but are afraid, nothing can be done’

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The old man raised his head and looked at them in turn, dark sadness permeating his soul. Then, forcing his tears back, he asked:

‘And where is this graveyard of the dead dreams?

I have never heard of it; it’s probably just a story

But if real, I want to know how it really seems

I want to see my dead dream and lament her glory’

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The Past and Present thought for a moment and then spoke in harmony once again.

‘Far away from the dazzling dimensions of existence,

hidden in gloom, lies the graveyard of dead dreams

It borders a quiet lake and is visible from a distance,

and if you try hard, you can hear the silent screams

Filled with many graves, both large and small,

there are even some black urns filled with ashes

So many pretty flowers to be found even in the fall,

and also broken pieces, whatever this life trashes

Sitting at the broken gate, there is the old keeper,

his head is grey, and his eyes are filled with sorrow

All lonely and tired of his vigil against the grim reaper,

hope is something so far off, he can’t even borrow

‘What’s there to guard?’ he is often asked to elaborate

‘They are just broken dreams, need no looking after

They are all dead, you see, so what do you await?’

The people don’t try to hide their taunts and laughter

‘You are of course, right, and I do not blame you’

The old man says with shadows lining his brow

‘But, they are my sleeping children, it’s my view;

graves are their beds, where flowers need to grow’

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The old man heard all this with silent somberness and then left in search of the graveyard.

He walked and walked and then walked some more,

through the valleys filled with dark pain and loss

He looked and looked and then looked some more,

for the forgotten ruins covered in green moss

He walked and walked until he could walk no more,

his heart grew heavy, and his feet bled raw with each stride

He looked and looked until he could look no more,

his spirit lost its resolve, though he determinedly tried

And then one day, when he was about to quit his quest,

he at last reached the graveyard, that of the dead dreams

He just turned a corner and saw it from afar, due west,

the graveyard beside the silent lake, alive with screams

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He carefully approached the ancient custodian, who was quietly smoking an old pipe. On hearing the footsteps, the custodian raised his head and looked questioningly at the old man, his piercing blue eyes peering out from between the silver strands of hair.

‘What do you need, son? This is no place for the living

You look miserable, though, as if you are dead inside

What is that you seek? Or what is it that you bring?

You are all broken, though you hide it well with pride’

Hearing this, the old man fell at the Custodian’s feet.

‘Misery…yes! Broken ….Yes! But there is no pride

I am just here to see my dead dream one last time

My dream was my child; for her, I have always cried

I reared her with my blood; alas! She died in her prime’

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The Custodian was touched by the old man’s pleas, but he was helpless.

‘What you say wrenches my heart, I assure you, son

But I cannot do anything; your dream is gone forever

Yes, you can place flowers on the grave and mourn,

but you cannot caress its forehead and see it never’

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The old man gripped the Custodian’s ankles, and his tears fell in torrents.

‘Have mercy on me, I don’t want to abandon my child

She was my only possession under the lofty skies

Let me sit by her side amidst the flowers growing wild,

mourning the loss of her smile and the shine in her eyes’

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The Custodian thought for a moment and then, holding the shoulders, raised the old man to his feet.

‘Tell me, son, are all your dreams dead or just this one?

If you had just one dream, are the others’ dreams dead too?

Go nurture them, as all dreams become gold under the sun

Go nurture them, as to everyone, their dream is the one true’

‘Now you know the value, when your own dream is dead

Now you know how it feels, the loss of your dearest dream

Go and nurture the dreams of others, and pat their head;

make all those dreams come true and solace, you will redeem’