Tag Archives: inner conflict

The Eternal Battle between Sin and Guilt

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The old man pulled down my head

and whispered….

Listen, my son, and listen carefully,

for this is what it’s all about

And this is what you cannot,

and what you will never live without

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Sin is always hungry, an unstoppable parasite,

which feeds upon me, you, and all life

And guilt is the fire that cleanses the sin,

and cuts the darkness with a sharp knife

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Sin is the seed, sprayed forth from the loins,

of a terrible legion led by the angel Azazel

And guilt is the solace born in the heart,

and flowing from the eyes of the kind angel, Gabriel

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The struggle between the bright day,

and the all-encompassing dark night

And the war between sin and guilt,

is forever ongoing, the wrong, and the right

_______________________________________

This war is the bloodiest of all wars,

this scuffle is the deadliest of all scuffles

If the sin wins the game, all is lost,

but if guilt wins the cards, the life reshuffles

A Dialogue with the Mirror

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‘You wretched beast, you pitiful ghoul’ —the cruelest conversations are the ones we have with ourselves.

An intense, confrontational poem structured as a dialogue between the speaker and their mirror reflection, exploring the painful disconnect between outward appearance and inner reality. Through powerful metaphors of shattered mirrors, extinguished suns, and lightning-struck trees, this raw verse examines the masks we wear and the darkness we hide.

You! Yes you – you wretched beast!

perhaps you are me or just another priest

Trying to creep and trying to crawl,

within my sad existence, a great, dark hall

Trying to wear and trying to see,

my skin, through eyes silent as the dead sea

You! Yes you, you pitiful ghoul!

perhaps you are wise or just an old fool

Don’t try to understand my twisted life,

a tree struck by lightning, yet playing the fife 

I stand strong and mighty, towering over all,

strength is what I feign, in the end I will fall  

You! Yes you, you pathetic creature!

perhaps you are true or just a damn preacher

Don’t try to love my tired and broken soul,

I look like a knight and inside, I am just a troll

I am but a mirror, shattered into a million shards,

keeping you all blind, I always hide my cards

You! Yes you, you faded, grey wraith!

perhaps you are ignorant or just acting on faith

Don’t try to be kind, with empathy on a roll,

a sun with extinguished fires, I am a lost soul

My sins were all black, they spoke of my desires,

my regret is now cold, just ashes and burnt pyres

The Tiring Masquerade

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An intimate confession from behind a carefully guarded shell.

_________________________

You will never really know how I really feel;

I may laugh my head off, or even if I may cry

You will never really know who I am in real;

no matter how long and how hard you may try

_________________________

I always wear a mask, I never reveal my true self;

I lurk behind the shadows, I hide myself so very well

You will never guess who I am – a human or an elf;

I am so well-guarded, you’ll never get past the shell

_________________________

I do not hide because I am pure evil or a white dove;

perhaps I am a mix of dark shadows and bright light

I hide because the care is selfish, and there is no love;

I hide as there is only business, maybe wrong, maybe right

_________________________

I am both dead and alive, both delusional and aware;

I am both yes and no, some conflict and some strife

Delusions of grandeur and an awareness of what’s fair;

conflicting desires and the chaos inflicted by a dull knife

_________________________

That you will never find me, it’s a fact, and a promise too;

it’s not a challenge, just a statement and so very true

That you will never discover me, it’s not just my view;

and that you will never love me, is a truth that I always knew 

_________________________

Life is a long masquerade, it’s so very long and so tiring;

that the end might be near, it’s awaited and so very certain

The desperation is real, it’s so sad and so very depressing;

that there is no hope, it’s about time to drop the curtain

I am Evil, I Admit (Previously, Beliefs and Perceptions)

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A confession wrapped in irony — when being called ‘evil’ hurts less than being called unloving.

_______________________________

Your belief in me being utterly bad,

your perception of me as evil is so sad

It is stronger than your belief in God,

but you love it, though it may be flawed

I don’t mind it, and I don’t mind it at all;

I am now falling, and I may fall

_______________________________

Your belief in me being so lowly,

to you is holier than the most holy

Seeing me as the devil’s spawn,

your words in stone, etched and drawn

I don’t mind it, and I don’t mind it at all;

I am now falling, and I may fall

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Your belief in me being so depraved,

your faith in morals, preserved and craved

Seeing me as the fodder of red hell,

your prophecy is true, let us all yell

I don’t mind it, and I don’t mind it at all;

I am now falling, and I may fall

_______________________________

Your belief in me being so devious,

is your allegation, the most serious

Seeing me as sneaky and scheming,

you are alarmed, heralds are screaming

I don’t mind it, and I don’t mind it at all;

I am now falling, and I may fall

_______________________________

But your belief in me being unloving,

is your most hurtful and deeply cutting

Perceiving me as a liar and exploiter,

no reason, no logic, I am just a manipulator?

I do mind it a bit, and I do mind it a lot;

I will but, fall, you have hit a soft spot

A Dialogue with the Darkness (Previously, the Darkenss Within)

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When the self turns inward, the sharpest blade is awareness.

__________________

I want a sharp knife;

the sharpest of all I have ever seen in this life

A knife with an ivory grip and a gleaming edge;

engraved with obscure ruins, carrying a death pledge

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I want to plunge it into my belly;

slicing it across, all through the quivering jelly

Cutting open myself and savoring the soothing pain;

smelling the oozing blood and enjoying the red rain

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The steaming guts will spill out;

and so will the coldness, without a doubt

I want to confront the coldness under my skin;

I so want to face the raging darkness within

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I want to feel their texture and what makes up my core;

the ice-cold mercury seeping out of each pore

I so want to sense their force, so binding and so freeing;

their powerful darkness vibrating in my being

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I want to question them all, the unanswered queries;

hanging in balance, the forever silent juries

I want to challenge them all, the reservoirs of valor;

forever loud but hollow, the reds masking my pallor

__________________

Why do you reside within me?

Perhaps two despising lovers smiling with glee?

Or are you sent by my respectful adversaries,

not really bothered, and just two emissaries?