Mary and the Dark Mother

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SUICIDE WARNING: “‘Come lay with the Dark Mother, her coldness is the warmth you seek’—a poem making visible how depression seduces as a loving voice offering peace through death.”

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Come and visit the Dark Mother, Mary,

she is the only one who truly loves you

Her pure wisdom has always been there,

to you and only you, she will always be true

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Come embrace the Dark Mother, Mary,

in her lap, you are going to find lasting peace

Her love will make you whole once again,

it will mend each crack, it will join each piece

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Come and bow to the Dark Mother, Mary,

and she will tell you, it’s useless to go on

Her hand caressing your tired and bent head,

and she will whisper, ‘there is no true dawn’

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Come seek the Dark Mother’s counsel, Mary,

and she will differentiate love from courtesy

Her logic is immaculate and unquestionable,

when she tells you love is not real, but a fallacy

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Come hear the Dark Mother’s prophecy, Mary,

when she tells you, ‘you are doomed forever’

But don’t lose hope, all may seem grey and dark,

her solutions are always simple, never clever

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Come and listen to the Dark Mother, Mary,

when she tells you, it is your time to sleep

Her words are the writing on the wall,

when she tells you not to cry and weep

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Come lay with the dark mother, Mary,

her coldness is the very warmth you seek

Surrender yourself and take the final step,

just forget that you were once a freak

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Come and follow the Dark Mother, Mary,

be assured, she always knows the right way

Bringing sanity to this damn circus of chaos,

she’s the peaceful night at the end of your day

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Come do what the dark mother says, Mary,

sleep is just a small, harmless bullet away

Just please cross the threshold, Mary,

salvation is only just a steel’s kiss away

The Clown who Fell in Love and lost his Laughter

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He made the world laugh—until love took his laughter away.

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Let me tell you all a short and sad story,

a story so hilarious, yet so painful and gory

Let me tell you about a simple and good clown,

who just performed, and wasn’t interested in glory

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He worked in a famous and grand circus,

so grand, it made all a little bit nervous

The circus encompassed all entertainment,

having just one rhyme, and one single purpose

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The famed circus was just focused on fun,

ignoring all sadness, it was so fixated on pun

It abhorred all darkness in favor of bright light,

it chose to ignore the night; it worshipped the sun

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The clown was so happy, but only on the outside,

his eyes told the cruel truth, while his smile only lied

Riding the high waves of senseless mirth and joy,

his sadness was a hidden and silently breathing tide

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Masking his sadness with a smile so open and bright,

was something he had learnt just like a true knight

Being unhappy inside, yet always beaming with joy,

was an art he had practiced hard, each day and each night

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His act drew huge crowds, and it made people laugh,

being fired from a cannon, his act was only a gaffe

He flew across the pavilion, landing safely on a net,

the kind cannon, thankfully, did not cut him in half

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One day, while the clown was performing his act,

he saw a lovely vision, no dream but a glaring fact

She was an acrobat who swam gracefully in the air,

her magical eyes avoiding his, making no contact

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The clown grabbed his chest, lowering his guard,

about to explode, his heart throbbing so very hard

Unbeknownst to his senses, he had fallen in love,

but it wasn’t beautiful, the reality was all scarred

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He watched the girl for long, savoring her image,

vision overwhelmed, his senses taxing his courage

What to do and how to do? He thought so hard,

his sanity in wild chaos, all thoughts in scrimmage

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So many days had passed, she occupied his mind,

so many nights had passed, his fate was all signed

His heart was wrecked forever; there wasn’t a way,

love is neither a salvation nor is it always kind

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Then one fateful day, the clown decided to act,

approaching the girl bravely, he forgot all tact

‘I love you’ - he just blurted out the three words,

like he was just finishing the draft of a pact

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She looked at him for long and then laughed out loud,

‘I waited for love so long and ignored the whole crowd’

She looked at him with distaste and said the cruel words,

‘look how God punishes me for being so damn proud’

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‘A clown, He sends me?’ She looked up at the sky,

‘A clown, He sends me!’ She then started to cry

‘Why am I so unfortunate?’ She questioned herself;

‘Why a clown was to love me?’ She regretted with a sigh

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‘I love you and want to make you happy,’ he said;

‘I love you and want to save you from pain and dread

Don’t doubt my words, my love, for they are all true

I will serve and love you till I stop living, and fall dead’

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‘You will never stay by my side; I banish you forever ‘

She said after a while, in a steady voice, no single tremor

‘I cannot bear your ugly presence, I do not want you here,

‘I can never love you back - you may cry, or you may act clever’

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The clown just bent his head; he could not see a way,

but something just broke inside him that fateful day

The clown lost all his laughter; he lost all his smiles,

his face was still painted, the reds hiding the grey

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He started dying inside on that day and thereafter,

being neither ever wanted nor much sought after

And on his gravestone it is written, as I have heard,

‘Here lies the clown who fell in love and lost his laughter’

The Tiring Masquerade

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An intimate confession from behind a carefully guarded shell.

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You will never really know how I really feel;

I may laugh my head off, or even if I may cry

You will never really know who I am in real;

no matter how long and how hard you may try

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I always wear a mask, I never reveal my true self;

I lurk behind the shadows, I hide myself so very well

You will never guess who I am – a human or an elf;

I am so well-guarded, you’ll never get past the shell

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I do not hide because I am pure evil or a white dove;

perhaps I am a mix of dark shadows and bright light

I hide because the care is selfish, and there is no love;

I hide as there is only business, maybe wrong, maybe right

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I am both dead and alive, both delusional and aware;

I am both yes and no, some conflict and some strife

Delusions of grandeur and an awareness of what’s fair;

conflicting desires and the chaos inflicted by a dull knife

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That you will never find me, it’s a fact, and a promise too;

it’s not a challenge, just a statement and so very true

That you will never discover me, it’s not just my view;

and that you will never love me, is a truth that I always knew 

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Life is a long masquerade, it’s so very long and so tiring;

that the end might be near, it’s awaited and so very certain

The desperation is real, it’s so sad and so very depressing;

that there is no hope, it’s about time to drop the curtain